Monthly Archives: January 2009

Faulkner’s The Sound and the Fury: THE Great American Novel

What exactly is the great American novel? It’s definitely a popular (and sometimes heated) point of discussion in literary circles. What even makes a novel “the great american novel”?

I think, overall, it’s pretty simple. The concept of the great American novel is one that captures the feeling and spirit of America. Generally by perfectly capturing a moment in time and how that moment has effected the country over the years.

There are a lot of titles thrown around for the title. Moby Dick. The Scarlett Letter. Catcher In the Rye. The Grapes of Wrath. On the Road. To Kill a Mockingbird. Slaughterhouse Five.

So what do I think is the Great American Novel. Well, read the title of the post.

It’s Faulkner’s compelling masterpiece The Sound and the Fury.

Faulkner captured the south like no writer ever captured any location. Southern United Stated, post Civil war, is treated with a certain feeling of nostalgia, which blends and binds together with the heartache of a declining set of values and sophistication. In The Sound and the Fury, the Compson family represents all that. With its heavy use of time and memory, it captures the nostalgia perfectly. But with its mentally and emotionally destroyed characters, it portrays the traditional south’s downfall.

It’s certainly not an easy novel to get into. The first section introduces us to Benjy, the youngest Compson child. The story is narrated by him, and is fractured, sometimes frustrating and difficult to follow, with disorienting shifts in time and strange word associations that might take a while to really understand. But this is what Faulkner perfected. This isn’t just a character telling a story. We are truly and completely inside Benjy’s head. He’s mentally disabled, and Faulkner’s writing captures that beautifully. It’s interesting that Faulkner opens the book with Benjy’s POV. He is mentally disabled, by because of that he’s probably the most pure of the narrators. The way he sees the other characters, mainly his siblings, is probably the most accurate view of them we get. In this section, we get our first glances of Caddy, who is the true hero of the story, despite the fact that she doesn’t narrate any of the story herself. She is the protagonist of the story, but we see her constantly through the eyes of her brothers, the way they see her. Perhaps that’s why Faulkner opened with Benjy’s side of things. We need to see the truest and purest look at Caddy so we can truly believe and see her as the hero. Benjy witnesses Caddy’s faults and her promiscuity, which becomes the focus for much of the book, but most importantly, he witnesses her compassion. She is the only one who truly cares for her youngest brother. We see the conflict of Caddy’s behavior, which is further developed in the next section.

The second section takes place nearly 20 years before all the other sections, and is narrated by Quinten, the first born Compson child. The focus of this section is almost entirely on Quinten’s obsession with his sister and her promiscuity.  His relationship with Caddy is extremely complicated. The two are best friends, but his fixation on her virginity drives him mad. He’s obsessed with keeping her pure, in line with his idea of the perfect Southern woman, even though his own father discourages the idea and seems unconcerned by his only daughter’s promiscuous ways. Caddy’s sexual activity leads to a pregnancy. Quinten fights the man who impregnated his sister, almost as though he believes fighting for her honor will make the shame and the unborn child go away. Then, in some idea of wiping away the shame of all the men Caddy’s had sex with, he tries to convince their father that it was he who took his sister’s virginity, that they’ve been involved in an incestuous relationship, but his father doesn’t believe him. This leads to a whole new layer in Quinten’s obsession with his sister’s virtue. He tells his father he wishes he was the one who took Caddy’s virginity, and it seems that it’s more than just a desire to remove her shame. He has the idea that if they confessed to a (false) incestuous relationship that they could leave town (with Benjy) and live alone together. Even years before Caddy’s pregnancy, we see a scene when Quinten is fooling around with his girlfriend. Caddy interrupts, and all of Quinten’s attention is on her. The siblings use their lovers to make each other jealous. There’s definitely a sexual tenstion between the two, which comes through clearly on two points: when they fight in the mud after Caddy has interrupted Quinten and his girlfirend, and when he suggest the kill themselves when he finds out she’s had sex with Dalton Ames. The two lie on the ground, with Quinten holding a knife to Caddy’s neck, saying he’ll kill her then himself, and Caddy numbly agrees.  Their position on the ground, with Quinten laying on top of her, leading to him sobbing into her chest, makes the scene filled with sexual tension and frustration between the two. Even when Caddy finds a way to possibly remove the shame, by marrying a man and having him believe he’s the father of the baby, Quinten can’t accept it. He doesn’t approve of Caddy’s choice, despite her insistance that she has to marry somebody, because he wishes to be the one to remove her shame, just as he wished he had been the one to take her virginity. Eventually, Caddy’s husband discovers the child is not his, divorces her, and Caddy becomes estranged from the family. The entire ordeal of struggling over Caddy’s promiscuity, his incestuous feelings for her, and his heartbreaks of her being estranged from the family, drives him out of his mind and he eventually kills himself.

To Be Continued….

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Oscar Nominations

It’s kind of an odd year for me. It was the first time in many, many years that I actually slept through the Oscar nominations. I usually watch them live, but a combination of seeing the awesome Sweeney Todd on stage, then staying up until 1 am to watch LOST, which meant taking my sleeping meds later than usual, led to me sleeping to about 10, totally forgetting that the noms were to be announced. So I had to read them online instead. So let’s get to it.

Best Actor
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon
Sean Penn, Milk
Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Mickey Rourke,The Wrestler

Pretty much what I expected, though I was kind of thinking (hoping) Jenkins would be swapped out for Leo DiCaprio. Predicted winner? Probably Rourke, but I won’t count out Sean Penn just yet.

Best Actress
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married
Angelina Jolie, Changeling
Melissa Leo, Frozen River
Meryl Streep, Doubt
Kate Winslet, The Reader

I was pretty much 5 for 5 with my predictions here, although I had Winslet for Revolutionary Road instead of The Reader, since she was being pushed for supporting in the latter. I think most were expecting Hathaway to walk away with it, but Winslet’s nom for The Reader might change things.

Best Supporting Actor
Josh Brolin, Milk
Robert Downy Jr, Tropic Thunder
Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Doubt
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road

With Revolutionary Road basically being shut out, I wasn’t expecting Shannon to get nominated, but other than that this list looks pretty much how I expected it to look. This is also the only major category that The Dark Knight was nominated in, and with all the precursors, it does look like Ledger has it wrapped up.

Best Supporting Actress
Amy Adams, Doubt
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Christina Barcelona
Viola Davis, Doubt
Taraji P. Hensen, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

I really kind of wasn’t expecting Hensen to get in. It was a good performance, but there were better supporting performances this year. With Winslet’s Reader performance nominated for lead, this category is kind of wide open. I’m predicting Cruz, but would be pleased as punch if Adams walked away with it.

Best Director
David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon
Gus Van Sant, Milk
Stephen Daldry, The Reader
Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

I would really love it if this was the year of Fincher and Benjamin Button, but it really seems like Slumdog is unstoppable.

Best Picture
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

I let the Guilds get my hopes up with their Dark Knight love, though a big part of me really isn’t surprised that it was left out. Again, Slumdog seems pretty unstoppable.

I think the biggest surprise of the year is Bruce Springsteen not being nominated for his song for The Wrestler. What the hell?

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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

This isn’t a typical review. I could do the usual review thing, talk about all the technical aspects. Comment on the haunting cinematography, the perfect pacing, the stunning performances, the natural dialogue. But in the end, I don’t think that kind of review would do it justice. Because while all of these elements of the film are top notch, what’s important about it is how profoundly it effected me. It’s been a long time since I had an emotional reaction to a film this strong.

I see a lot of people comparing it to Forrest Gump. Which surprises me. Because I hate Forrest Gump. Benjamin Button may take the “ordinary man, extraordinary life” route, but it does everything perfect where I’ve always thought Forrest Gump falls on flat on its face over and over again.

But Benjamin Button does more than just explore an enigma of a life. Its main themes focus on the mystery of life as a whole, the mystery of growing old. The mystery of death. And I think this is where it becomes a sort of  “case by case” thing with different viewers. This is one of those things where life experiences factor hugely into how much a film effects you. I’ve been surrounded by so much death in my life, starting at a very young age. I’ve seen many people grow old and die, but more upsettingly, I’ve seen a huge amount of very young people die as well. Death has always been an extremely difficult thing for me to deal with, and the thought of death, my own and others’, is the most terrifying thing I can think of.

Benjamin Button examines the ideas of growing old and dying, but it does it neither in a sad, horrifying way, nor really in an uplifting way. It explores it as a mystery. THE mystery. It explores they way death effects every single person around it. It’s not just about exploring the end of your life, but the end of everyone’s life, and it’s the one thing that we all have in common. We will all die.

With Benjamin’s backward aging, it sets up the obvious idea that youth is wasted on the young. Surprisingly, it doesn’t dwell on that as much as one would think. I liked the way they film kind of used Benjamin’s aging to highlight the idea of using old age to finally live life to the fullest. Though young on the inside, he is old on the outside, so to others it looks as though he is an old man still living all the life he can. And that inspires the people he meets. It comes full circle later in the film when, years later, he sees the fate of Tilda Swinton’s character. I loved the way it turned that idea on its head. Everyone seemed to be expecting the “youth is wasted on the young” idea, but it completely turned it around.

And, of course, there’s the theme of true love. While Benjamin’s aging certainly makes it something of a unique relationship, in the end Daisy and Benjamin’s love is like any other, it would be the same even if he aged normally. Daisy’s love for Benjamin is the one thing that will not die. She loves him until the very end, no matter how young he has become. And through Benjamin’s journal, documenting their time together, their love will never die.

One of the things that really hit me as well is how the film really focused on the idea of what a huge effect people we know even for a short time have on our lives. Every person that Benjamin meets, from the people in the old folks home, to the woman he meets on his travels, to the captain of the ship, even though he doesn’t know these people physically through his entire life, they each give him something that he carries with him, connecting them so that he knows them spiritually throughout his entire life.

And, overall, it’s a film about life. Whether you age normally or backwards, life is a great mystery, and we never know what’s in store for us. This is just a stunningly beautiful picture.

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Golden Globes Fashion Run-Down: Best Dressed

While this red carpet was loads better than the Critics’ Choice Awards just a few days before, there really wasn’t much to get excited about. A lot of ladies wore extraordinarily boring gowns. There were a lot less dresses that I really went nuts over than usual.

Most Interesting

January Jones jazzed up the front of her dress a little, keeping it from being too boring, but not going overboard and making it look ridiculous. It’s just the right amount of folds and they don’t stick out crazily. And color is beautiful.

Sleekest

Kate Flannery from The Office chose a simple, but very sleek, elegant, and even sexy gown for the red carpet. Sometime, simple is the best way to go.

Most Goddess-like

Gina Torres is an extremely beautiful woman, and she doesn’t need a beautiful gown to look like a goddess. But this purple gown is perfect on her.

Bravest Color Choice

Seafoam in general is pretty largely maligned as the hideous bridesmaid color, but it looks beautiful on Julie Benz, making her skin look creamy.

Best Arm Candy

Jennifer Westfeldt is a very talented actress in her own right, but lately with these red carpets she’s just been the arm candy for her husband, Jon Hamm. But she almost always impresses me with her fashion choices. She chooses dresses that are mostly simple, that have just a little, tiny something to jazz it up.

Best Comeback

Thank god Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson broke up. She was also one of the best dressed at the Critics Choice Awards. There’s not a hint of the Dita Von Teese clone she was when she was dating Manson. She’s finally gone back to the beautiful young actress she was before.

Sexiest Class Act

Viola Davis has come out this season proving that she’s one sexy and classy lady, proving to some of younger Hollywood that you can be both at the same time, and it takes a lot more than a short skirt.

Most 1930s-ish

The 1930s is my favorite decade for pretty much everything, especially fashion, so I always love it when a dress like this shows up on the red carpet.

Biggest Surprise

I usually hate Eva Longoria’s dresses. She always wears these ugly, short, short, short things that make her look like she’s going clubbing rather than going to a formal even. So I was pleasantly surprised that she decided to actually act like she was going to a classy, formal event.

The ConsistencyAward

Laura Linney always looks fantastic. She always picks an amazing color, and the gowns always fit her like a glove, yet have a beautiful flow to them. And this time is no different.

The Princess Award

Christina Applegate looks like the most perfect princess. She chose a very simple style, but the bold gold makes is a little more snappy.

Best Red

The shape and fit of Kyra Sedgwick’s dress is perfect, but whatI love most about it is its shade of red. It’s not too bright, it’s nice and muted and calm.

Best Basic Black

This dress fits double winner Kate Winslet perfectly. I like that the skirt is kind of stick straight, while at the same time have a little bit of a loose flow to it. And the color is perfect, broken up with a slightly darked belt and simple jewel.

Best Overall Color

This is a pretty perfect dress. It fits her like a glove, absolutely perfectly. But the best part of it is easily its color. It’s bright, bold, and looks gorgeous on her.

Best “Golden Globes”

Get it? I’m talking about her boobs. This dress has landed on some worst lists, which is baffling. The color might be a little dull, but the way it’s cut and fit makes it perfect, sexy, and exciting.

Girliest

Everything about this dress is lovely and feminine. A lot of people are saying it’s only good from the waist up, but the tiers are my favorite part.

Most Classic

The endlessly charming Elizabeth Banks looked like she was walking the red carpet in 1935. This dress is so beautiful and classic.

Overall Best Dressed

She’s having a fantastic season. I also thought she was the best dressed at the Critics’ Choice Awards. This dress is so beautiful. It fits her perfectly in the bodice, and it has the classic red carpet flowing skirt. She went with black, but kept it from being basic with a gorgeous print that’s just enough, not too over the top. This dress is perfect on her.

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Golden Globes Fashion Run-Down: Worst Dressed

Now, I’m no fashion expert. Oftentimes I’ll see something that is considered high fashion and be completely baffled by how anyone can think it looks good. I’m just a girl who knows the kind of clothes she likes, and the kind of clothes she doesn’t. And I LOVE pretty dresses. So awards shows are like crack to me.

I always like to get started with the worst, so let’s get this show on the road…

Most Boring

Jolie’s Globe’s dress looked a lot like the dress she wore to the Critics’ Choice Awards a few nights before, just with the sleeve cut off. Jolie is a lovely looking woman who can wear much more beautiful and interesting gowns than this baggy bore.

Best Corpse Bride

Hathaway needs to eat a sandwich or two. And she needs to not wear colors that make her skin look almost translucent, especially when the dress looks like a costume from a dark Tim Burton movie.

The Sewn At Home Award

This gown looks a lot like Diaz didn’t like the way it trailed on the ground, so she safety pinned it up herself. And the color does nothing for her.

Biggest Disappointment

Freida Pinto was one of the very best dressed at the Critics’ Choice Awards, so I was really excited to see what she would wear to the Globes. What a huge disappointment. The color is hideous and the way it gathers at the torso makes her look bulky.

Ugliest Print

Gyllenhaal is so beautiful, but she always dresses so strangely. This was the ugliest print on the red carpet, and the color is terrible, too.

The “Made Out of Stuff Found In the Garage” Award

I’m pretty sure this ‘dress’ is just a Hefty Garbage Bag with a flower sewn to it.

The “I Took a Nap In My Dress” Award

With its complete lack of shape or style, this dress would be horrible no matter what. But the bottom of it is literally wrinkled. And not in the “it’s supposed to be way.” It looks like the dress has been setting in a pile at the bottom of her closet for a week, or like she took a nap in it.

Ahoy!

She was also one of the worst dressed at the Critics’ Choice Awards. I don’t understand why she dressed classier to that than she did to the Globes. She looks like wench on a pirate ship.

The Crazy Grandma Award

Recently, the older actresses like Helen Mirren have been proving that they can be just as classy and sexy as their younger colleagues. And Glenn Close completely set that back and decided to dress like a crazy old lady.

Overall Worst Dressed

Did she get dressed in the dark after doing a lot of coke? The skirt is kind of nice, but paired with that top, which is just baggy, ugly, and see-through, and the wretched hair, Zellwegger looks wretched.

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Golden Globe Reactions

Obviously, there was a lot of reacting done last night on the liveblog. And some reacting this morning when I discovered that the liveblog pushed my numbers for day up to over 230 views. Which is about 220 views more than I normally get a day.

But by the end of the night I was getting a little delirious so I wasn’t exactly coherent, so let’s begin.

There’s still so much I have to see. Really, I’ve barely seen any of the nominated films because they just haven’t come to Fort Wayne or I just haven’t had time. Of the nominated films I’ve seen Benjamin Button, Burn After Reading, Changeling, Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, and The Dark Knight. And I enjoyed all of them, but with the exception ofBenjamin Button and Dark Knight, these aren’t films I’m particularly emotionally invested in. So a lot of my rooting was based mostly on sentimentality.

The supporting categories turned out pretty much as expected, but that doesn’t mean I’m not completely thrilled. Kate Winslet is one of my favorite actresses, and I can’t believe this is the first major award she’s won. That’s ludicrous. So even though I haven’t seen The Reader, I was hoping she would win. And I have seen Ledger’s performance in The Dark Knight, and I was definitely rooting for him. For one, it’s fracking The Dark Knight. And I am a huge Batman geek. Ledger completely changed the face of the franchise with his performance, and watching that film is almost painful knowing he will never continue on with that role, or with any other.

As for the lead categories, the only nominees I had see are the dreaded Brangelina. I say dreaded because I’m so sick of how oversaturated and overinfatuated the media has become with them, not because of their performances, which were very, VERY good. But even though they were great, and even though they were the only ones I’ve seen, I wasn’t rooting for either of them. Again, the ones I was rooting for won. Well, mostly. I was rooting for Winslet because, as I said, I love her. And I was rooting for Mickey Rourke because the man deserves a comeback and his win really was a beautiful moment. But I was also rooting for Kristen Scott Thomas, because I think she’s one of the most underrated actresses working, and for Leo DiCaprio, because, like Winslet, he’s an incredible actor who’s been nominated a million times and has been passed over far too much. He should have won every award possible for The Aviator.

Director…. I was so hoping for a Fincher win, because Benjamin Button was most than just beautiful. It was a profoundly moving film. And I was also hoping for a screenplay win. But, of course, I haven’t seen the other nominees. (I’m probably seeing Slumdog Millionaire tomorrow, and the Doubt on Wednesday. But Benjamin Button moved me in a way I haven’t been moved by a film in years. I can’t imagine one of these topping that.

Dare I go into the television? No, I don’t. I’ve always found the Golden Globes to be something of a joke when it comes to tv, and its snubbing of Lost and Pushing Daisies this year is just further proof of that.

As for the actual ceremony… Same ol’, same ol’. Ricky Gervais was the star of the night. He needs to host the Oscars.

Stay tuned tonight or possibly tomorrow morning for my fashion rundown.

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Golden Globes Live Blog!

Here it is, bitches, the GG Live Blog at thoughtful.thinking.thoughts!

8:00pm: Live blogging gets started a little late. Supporting Actress category being announced as I start. What the hell is Marisa Tomei wearing? AND KATE WINSLET WINS!!!!  YAY!!!! Oscar next, bitches!

8:02pm: Ha! “I have a habit of not winning things”. Sadly true. People are finally getting smart enough to give her awards! Anyhoo, who wants to know why I’m frantically late on starting this? I went to see Benjamin Button. 4:30 showing. First of all, the screen freezes on that “Please turn off your cell phones” thing for 10 minutes. Then there were 30 minutes of trailers. And then when it let out there was ice and snow on the roads and it took forever to get home. I literally just walked in the door.

8:04pm: God, Sting is still hot.

8:08pm: Let’s take the commercial break to talk about how sad I am that I missed the red carpet because of Regal Theaters’ ineptitude. I’ll have to compile my Best Dressed list completely thought pictures. 😦

8:11pm: What the frack? There’s some weird audio lag going on on my NBC affiliate…. this night just gets better and better.

8:12pm: There was just some guy walking aroud with a chair hoisted above his head. You don’t get this stuff at the Oscars. And that Willis girl looks like a dude.

8:14pm: I wonder if Jeremy Piven will stop winning things now that people are discovering what a fucking douchbag he is.

8:14pm: For those getting all their info on the winners here (I feel so sorry for you), here’s the count so far…

Best Supporting Actress: Kate Winslet, The Reader
Best Original Song: The Wrestler from The Wrestler
Best Supporting Actor-Television: Tom Wilkinson, John Adams
Best Supporting Actress-Television: Laura Dern, Recount

8:19pm: My mom agrees with me that the Willis girl looks like a man. A tall, scary man.

8:22pm: I’ll take this commercial to talk about how I adored Benjamin Button. I found it to be a profoundly moving experience and I really hope it wins.

8:23pm: Don Cheadle is in Hotel For Dogs? Oh, what happened to you…

8:25pm: Brad Pitt really is quite talented. I can’t believe that’s Benjamin Button in Burn After Reading. And, oy, they had to go remind me of The Spirit and Eva Mendez. I hate you, and what you did to Sand Saref.

8:26pm: Someone has a hard-on for Speilberg…

8:27pm: Jonathan Rhys Meyers will always look like a paedophile. And Gabriel Byrne wins Best Actor-Television Drama. And he’s not there. Which seems to flummox Hayden Panetierre and Zac Effron.

8:28pm: Good lord, the patter this year is brutal.

8:29pm: Best Actress Television Drama – Anna Paquin, True Blood. Huh. Oh, Golden Globes and your strange television awards. Do you all just get together and smoke some hash before you watch your screeners?

8:35pm: Ricky Gervais is the best person ever.

8:37pm: Thanks, announcer guy. I think I can figure out who the stars of the Jonas Brothers movie is.

8:39pm: Best Animated Feature – Wall-E. Yeah, I wrote that before they even announced it. Do you really think it’s not going to win. I’m typing this as clips for the other movies are playing. Because Wall-E is obviously going to win. It’s the only shoe-in of the night. And I still haven’t seen it. What is wrong with me. And there it is, they just announced its win.

8:40pm: Could Depp BE more uncomfortable?

8:41pm: Actress Musical/Comedy – Sally Hawkins, Happy Go Lucky. Side note, people are starting to spurn the Golden Globes like they’re the People’s Choice Awards or something.

8:42pm: Oh! I want to know what Meryl Streep said to Sall Hawkins! There should be a new rule that every table has to have a mic on it so we can hear these things. Oh, it’s so sweet! She’s crying! It’s so wonderful to see people who really, genuinely appreciate it.

8:45pm: and the audio has failed us. This is like, a D-grade production.

8:49pm: Random observtion… I don’t think there were any baby bumps on the red carpet this year. Is the celebrity baby boom fad done with? Hey, a Heroes preview! Peter lost his Batman voice! Yay!

8:50pm: Another random observation.. Melissa George is pretty. And now Benjamin Button is being presented. Good lord, I loved this movie so much. It was so incredibly moving. Absolutely perfect and beautiful.

8:51pm: I think there might be something living in Drew Barrymore’s hair….

8:54pm: TV Miniseries or Movie – John Adams. Duh. It’s weird. A few years ago I was so into every tv movie/miniseries I could get my hands on. That totally died. The only one of these I’ve seen is Raisin in the Sun. And that’s only because we watched it in my theater class. And that’s only because we couldn’t find the Sidney Poitier version.

8:56: Supporting Actor Motion Picture…. Everyone seems to love Tropic Thunder…. huh… that makes me a little nervous for my Joker… let’s see… Few, thank god…. Heath Ledger wins. Poor Chris Nolan, having to accept all these awards for his late friend… observation… at the Critics Choice Awards all the fellow nominees looked thrilled for him…. not this time around…

8:58pm: Chris Nolan is eloquent and completely and totally correct.

9:03pm: Tom Brokaw has a funny voice.

9:04pm: Man, I remember when I used to think Colin Farrell was SO hot. That was a REALLY long time ago.

9:06pm: Best Foreign Language Picture – Waltz With Bashir

9:07pm: Okay, is anyone else getting that weird echo?

9:08pm: Oh, god! Maggie Gyllenhaal is so pretty. Why does she dress like that? Why?

9:09pm: Actress tv movie – Laura Linney, John Adams. Side note… I think Aaron Eckhart and Maggie Gyllenhaal might be banging each other.

9:13pm: Ah, the International trailer. Yes please, I would like to make a deposit.  A deposit of MURDER.

9:16pm: So Zack and Miri bombed so bad they couldn’t introduce Banks and Rogen as “The stars of Zack and Miri”…..

9:17pm: Best Screenplay – Slumdog Millionaire

9:19pm: Television Actor Comedy – Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock. Oh, David Duchovney…. you lost your wife and the Golden Globe. But I’m pretty sure you didn’t lose the award because of your sex addiction…. or did you…. hmmm….. Sex Addiction…. it loses you Golden Globes…. that sounds mildly sexual.

9:26pm: OH MY GOD, IT’S A MONSTER….. no, wait… it’s Renee Zellwegger…. yes, it’s a monster!!!!!

9:28pm: Tv Movie Actor – Paul Giamatti, John Adams

9:30pm: Please let’s speed up the speeches. I have to pee so fracking bad.

9:31pm: Gah, Glenn Close! Just because you’re old, that doesn’t mean you have to dress like a crazy person.

9:32pm: Television Comedy – 30 Rock. I really do enjoy the hell out of that show.

9:35pm: Tracy Morgan provided one of the most entertaining moments of the evening so far.

9:38pm: David Duchovney should feel guilty. He sex addiction is ruining ALL the awards for Californication.

9:40: Ummmm… I might just be seeing what I want to see… but was that Twin Peaks villain Wyndom Earle in the commercial for The Last Templar?

9:42pm: My affiliate is RAPING the audio tonight.

9:43pm: Best Score – Slumdog Millionaire.

9:44pm: ALL I HEAR IS CLAPPING AND MUSIC!!!!

9:45pm: Actress TV Comedy – Tina Fey, 30 Rock

9:47pm: Tina Fey gives the best acceptance speech of the night. I kind of wish I had made fun of her so she would tell me to suck it.

9:50pm: My affiliate is now raping EVERYTHING. The Friday Night Lights ad turned into green snow for about 15 seconds.

9:52pm: Oh god, the Cecil B. Demille award…. this would be the time that it would be okay to rape the live feed, NBC affiliate…

9:55pm: I really want the Oscars or the Globes to give David Lynch the big lifetime achievement award.

9:58pm: Man, Munich is a good movie.

9:59pm: Twister and Men In Black should NEVER be included in an awards reel.

10pm: I’ll take the always boring acceptance speech to look at some pictures from the red carpet…

10:08pm: looking at some red carpet pics…. so far, definitely better than the travesty that was the Critics Choice Awards…. but I’m not really wowed by anything. How sad.

10:11pm: Dustin Hoffman looks thrilled.

10:12pm: Best Director – Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire.

10:13pm: Danny Boyle looks like Harry Potter.

10:16pm: I can’t believe Sandra Bullock is wearing one of the best dresses of the night. I still hate her. She sounds like a moron up there.

10:18pm: Best Actor Comedy/Musical – Colin Farrell, In Bruges

10:25pm: how is it that Salma Hayek still only barely speaks english?

10:26pm: Ha! A plastic surgery joke in relation to Benjamin Button. I so didn’t see that coming.

10:27pm: Best Musical/Comedy – Vicky Christina Barcelona

10:31 pm: Did they hire an actual retarded person to write the announcer’s stuff?

10:35pm: Freida Pinto’s dress is so disappointing.

10:36pm: Best Actress Drama – Katie Winslet, Revolustionary Road!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WON DOUBLE!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!

10:38pm: Oh my god, I love Kate Winslet so much.

10:41pm: Blake Lively looks a little less boring with Rainn Wilson standing next to her.

10:42pm: Best Drama Television – MAD MEN!!!!! WHOOOOO!

10:48pm: Best Actor Drama – Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler. Awww……. I’m really happy for him.

10:51pm: AH! Darren Aronofsky just gave the middle finger on live tv! Awesome!

10:52pm: Wow…. that just became the most depressing accaptance speech I’ve ever heard.

10:56pm: Best Pic time. I’m getting sleepy. Thank god.

10:57pm: The Winner is……………………………. Slumdog Millionaire

10:58: What a night. I’m pretty sure all of Hollywood was wasted. Good show. Thanks, Fort Wayne NBC affiliate for raping the broadcast. Stay tuned tomorrow sometime for my fashion rundown.

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